Resume Writing Session

Attractors, here's the long awaited sample resume. Be sure to update yours. 
Remember, be flexible and add your uniquely appropriate style.

The Role of Parents in the Empowerment of MSMs

Cohort three of the TABS Empowerment workshop kicked off to a promising start, hungry minds, questioning eyes, a thirst for information and a chance to be heard monopolized the new batch of “Attractors”. I am an outsider looking in, I am also the Attractor, yet nothing like this new set of curious hopefuls, I am empowered and have rid myself of preconceived notions and all the baggage that once set me back from realizing my true potential.

The discussion that kicked off centred around parents, visualizing our conception in the womb and our coming into this world with the traits that set us apart from every carbon copy individual, the characteristics that make us unique and special, those we inherited and those that developed on their own. The attractors presented their tales through a number of creative mediums, from their mother they got their drive and determination, their zealousness, the sugar, spice and all things nice. But then a reoccurring sad depiction took place in almost every attractor’s presentation, negative imagery and a hopeless account of the traits they inherited from their fathers.

Personally, I have never had the idea relationship with my father, but he has always been present in one form or the other and like most of the attractors, I have a deeper connection with my mother. But it stimulated thought, how did this impact my development and how did his passenger seat influence in my nurturing affect my confidence, as a male. And how empowered can I feel as young MAN who has had limited interaction with the male figure expected to lead and steer me in the right direction.

Many MSMs have encountered less than ideal situations with their parents where they are left feeling judged, ashamed and less than because of their sexuality. But where often we fail is manifesting the drive to motivate ourselves, and forgive them for not understanding then hope for their moments of joyous epiphanies, where they can learn to accept and love us. CHOOSING to hold on to the emotional baggage of repressed thoughts and CHOOSING to believe the negative imagery painted by the persons we expect to love us unconditionally, indirectly we are also CHOOSING to be demotivated, depressed and think less of ourselves, thereby CHOOSING to supress our uniqueness and live unhappily.

Letting go of the hurt and the pain may seem hard, but its not until we make the conscious decision to be happy, and focus on that happiness and how we’d prefer to interact with our parents, family and peers, using that ideal to attract positive energy. Until then, will we be able to empower ourselves and the persons around us, and take charge of our own destiny and well-being.

In Pursuit of Love

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they crave the simple pleasures that come with loving someone, and being loved. To share your life with another, the happy moments that will be cherished and the struggles that will cement the bond become the building blocks. Humans have always sought companionship since the beginning of time itself, if you buy into that Adam and Eve tale, but for there to be love, the pure and wholesome type, self-love should be the first step in its pursuit. To form the perfect relationship with others, we must form the perfect relationship with ourselves.

Self-love is often overlooked in the pursuit of love, people go about seeking approval and gratification from others in hopes of realizing their true potential and worth, entering relationships in order to feel loved, wanted and complete. But if we don’t take the time out to first discover ourselves and tap into our minds, realizing our own value, how can we know that we are not settling for less than we deserve?

True love and peace of mind first starts within, the belief and constant reassurance of our own importance and purpose in this life, being able to accept ourselves entirely, embracing the flaws that add to our uniqueness as well as discovering our talents and maximizing them instead of letting them go to waste. This self-love begins with the acceptance of our limitless capabilities, the power to dream beyond our wildest imagination, creating our ideals and working relentlessly towards our aspirations.

It is not until we are able to love ourselves that we will be able to truly love someone else, sharing our lives and entire being. Reaching a familiar impasse in life where we sometimes cave in to insecurities, allowing ourselves to feel insufficient and unloved becomes the catalyst for a change of perspective and a cry for motivation that can only come from within. We should become our own driving force, tapping into our reservoirs of confidence, pushing ourselves to the thresholds of our abilities, because it is not until we start believing naysayers that we are defeated. If we are not able to embrace and love ourselves it becomes impractical to expect anyone else to love and accept us.

In pursuit of love, the first phase begins with each of us, The Attractor chooses to realize his potential and maximize on his attributes, embracing his flaws, consoled by the knowledge that the so called imperfections are just what make him perfect.

Why Are We on the Defence?

Armours ready, adrenaline ready, words and actions in abundance. We head to the battle field of our home. Out into Society we go. Armed and steady.  Hold on, this is not Spartacus or the 1st and 2nd world War, not even a state of emergency!! Why as MsMs we have to be on the defensive??

Always, we are in combat mode from the subtle attitude, choosing words carefully to the obscene violence of words and actions. We survive by fighting back, by justifying. But why?? Do we really have to explain how we feel? Do we always have to have our guards up?? Think abt it. Is that what we call living??

Well my friends the Enigma chooses the offence. I choose to love myself and to be proud of who I am. I choose to relax and not worry abt fights, explaining and all things of that nature. I choose to let the ball be on my side of the court. I CHOOSE FREEDOM.  We do not have to be in constant combat mode. We are loving human beings. And society's problem with us is its problem not ours.

Let's choose life, fun, not in hiding or insecurity. Because if we do not declare that how we feel is right and that nothing is going to change that.. Society will always try their moral imperialism.. We have already won through acceptance and loving each other.. WE ARE ON THE OFFENSE

Sweet Enigma
Multfaceted

WHY

We as MSM'S sometime ask ourselves why are we attracted to males and our country is so against it?  The answer comes in a simple solution  they've got that comfortable place
on their shoulder that's perfect for
snuggling into while we fall asleep.
Their near-endless appetite for discussing
the ins and outs of work and
money - ours as well as theirs but what we really want in today's society is just to be equal and respected in this our beloved home jamaica .

Baddaz
Multifaceted 

The Secret of Love

Though I may speak with bravest fire,

And have the gift to all inspire,

And have not love, my words are vain,

As sounding brass, and hopeless gain.

Though I may give all I possess,

And striving so my love profess,

But not be given by love within,

The profit soon turns strangely thin.

Come, Spirit, come, our hearts control,

Our spirits long to be made whole.

Let inward love guide every deed;

By this we worship, and are freed.

Baddaz

Multifaceted

I AM ME, Who are you?

Who am I? An outcast to society. I am looked down on and scoffed at because of my sexuality. When will it end? These questions perplexed me on a daily basis.

Growing up in a country is not easy at all as being a homosexual is proven to be a tedious task. Just to get by, I am expected to behave in a particular way. This includes, walking like a man, having a rough, husky voice, portraying to be a ‘gangsta’ as we might put it. But this just was not me. I wasn’t made for this. My walk and my voice were rather feminine, and as for me being gangster, it was the total opposite.
‘Sissy’, ‘Girl boy’, ‘Fish’, ‘Queer’, ‘Battyman’ are some of the labels that are plastered on me on a daily basis. As much as I tried to tough it out, I was broken on the inside. Everywhere I turned; there was someone to put me down because of who I am. I endured many sleepless nights, and have shed rivers of tears. I would ask myself why I had to suffer like this while confronting the challenges I faced.

My long journey to self-acceptance started with one step. I deep thought I’d pondered how I’d get over all these negative attacks. Many people struggle to accept people like me, but it has been just as hard for me to accept that I was different.  It took me a very long time to accept myself and love me for who I am – Gay.
We are different, and we should be proud of who we are. It is good to be different, embrace yourself, and sit and watch all the positive outcomes flow. What is the point of life is there are limitations?  Once we learn to accept ourselves for who we truly are, we’ll find out that life only gets better. I did it, so you can too.

Kiing S.S.

Relations and Ships

                  Relations are interactions that we have as human beings since we are gregarious by nature and Ships are vessels on the sea that may or may not have a fixed destination. Lets put the two together now, relationships are interactions that we have on a daily basis that may or may not have a fixed destination or in this sense a purpose of direction. Relationships are all around us… they are characterized by interactions so we have family, friends and sexual relations with people.

       Putting the focus on Msm relationships it must be understood within the context of msm relations. As msms how do we interact with each other on the basis of friendly and sexual relations. One of my friends once said that gay people cannot be in lasting relationships because they are too promiscuous. As I pondered on the validity of this statement I looked to the interactions of my associates (flirting, liking more than one person, sexually irresponsible , insatiable sexual thirst and the vice of instant gratification, negative projection, liars and fights). All these have become synonymous with the msm lifestyle. Do any of that sound promising?

    As msm we need to first accept ourselves and seek to establish friendly relations. Be civil, honest, and generous in your interactions and this will produce a culture of togtherness in the community that we can be proud of. These actions will help to wipe out the negative connotations of msm life styles such as being vulgar for no reason, fighting and dishonest. On the sexual realm msms should stop acting on the vice of gratifications. It is human nature to be attracted to people but it appears that it is intensified in this community because of its forbidden fruit nature. Guys we should have one partner and we should be satisfied. Not going around and sleeping with the world but being singular and responsible because the variety of diseases out there do not have favs. So be careful in that regard.

          If we can remedy our interactions on the friendly and sexual level then we can be assured to have good relationships that are not idealistic but very much tangible in nature. Our ships on this sea called life will have a purpose of destination because we will now know what we want and the 5 stones can be used in that regard. Let our actions and interactions be enabling so that healthy and safe relationships can be the new thing in our community because of we do not work together we gonna straight up fail individually. I am a firm believer that this community can be functional and holistic. We just need to be empowered and know that we are beautiful individuals in our own right.

Sweet Enigma
Multifaceted

How do MSMs Survive In Ja?

Have you ever felt wrong, ashamed of who you are and how you feel, upset because you do not understand whats so wrong with it and not to mention insecure?? We live in a society that privileges the social and physical executions of msms, one that will have their bias towards all things but it comes 10 fold when it regards msms, one that will take our cake and eat it to!1 So then my question is. How do msms survive in JA, the land we think we love, how do we exist in a society that sees us as antagonistic to its deep rooted moralistic Christian values?

          Every day we hear the various institutions of the society such as the family, religion, the education system throwing daggers at us. This is evident in the songs that are played and just the whole media landscape. Words such as (batty boy, fish, faggot, chi chi mon, sodomite, heshe shim, sprat and others flood the society). So how do we live? Simply we live by secrecy, hiding for the most part of us, we are forced underground. Limited to secured surveillance areas, barred from being ourselves in the outside world. How is this healthy?? My friends it is not. Because of how we are forced to exist tensions within the community are inevitable. We project in high and low places because of insularity and selfish pursuits. So how do we expect to be given sustainable rights when we ourselves are divided, uncompromising and non accepting. We cling to the world that soo hates us privileging straight behaviour ( which I have  no problem with, I only have a problem when it is used as a measuring stick) and looking down on our effeminate brothers.

       How we survive in ja is that of second class citizens, we survive by bringing down each other and playing the hypocrites according to society’s games. But what gives me hope is that they are msm out there who are kind supportive and just really good people. They are the beacons for this community. We need to be more loving and the attractor factor has given us the tools to be understanding and good bearers of the truth. Love you all and be good each other.

Sweet Enigma
Multifaceted

Is Monogamy Overrated?

Gay relationships have always suffered social blows and fallen short to stereotypes, reducing them to mere flings and portraying gay men as promiscuous. Normalities which have always been applied to relationships, such as monogamy, come into play and evoke the question “Is monogamy overrated?” The concept of anything being overrated stems from how much value an individual places on whatever is in question; however a dynamic venture such as a relationship should not be generalized, or normalized, because this is where shortcomings and problems originate from.

The perfect relationship becomes defined by what an individual decides is perfect for them, it is about their wants and needs, and whether their partner is willing to meet their needs and there is mutual grounds for understanding. The portrayal of the perfect relationship by friends and family in the ideal scenario is irrelevant, and more emphasis is placed on self-love and figuring out what we each want from a gratifying relationship and a partner. Someone once said to be “It’s not who you spend Saturday nights with, it’s who you want to spend all day Sunday with that’s important.” Being able to have sex with several persons may be fun and exciting, but what does it mean if it is reduced to meaningless sex? Polygamy offers an avenue to seemingly keep things fresh and maintain a diverse sex life, and isn’t it unrealistic to expect your partner to be sexually attracted only to you. But then how healthy is acting on every sexual attraction, and when does emotional fulfilment come into play?

Monogamy offers the option to grow together with someone, sharing life goals and dreams, and working together towards the success of both partners and the relationship. You become whole with your partner, and learn to love each other, flaws and all, sharing each other’s mind and body. So where does the open relationship fall?  The non-monogamous arrangement where both persons commit to each other, but allow the other to have other sexual partners. The possibility for openness and honesty comes to mind, and sexual acts your partner probably wouldn’t engage in can be experienced outside of the relationship. The problem comes about when sexual attractions become an emotional one, you may be able to control your actions but you’re not in a position to control the other person’s. Some polygamous relationships may not be restricted to limiting love, but isn’t that exhausting?

The Attractor chooses to honour all relationships and arrangements, and acknowledges that the ideal relationship is purely individualized, but he also seeks emotional growth that emerges outside the confides of a bedroom and from connecting with one person, in ways you couldn’t with ten.

The Attractor

Acceptance

There is no fixed way to do this but acceptance is the biggest part of living. By this I mean when you accept yourself, the flaws, the attributes, the weirdest, the coolness, the good the bad and the insane you give yourself the right to be happy. Acceptance is one of those things which can unfortunately be bought in this world by various means. It is a theme that runs in the stories of all our lives. We want to be accepted by our friends, families, significant other s, so called important people. We all grave it. But what makes acceptance so desirable what about it makes someone suppress themselves to fit into the puzzle of society?  The answer is the need to belong.
             As msms we all suffer with the burden of being accepted some more than others though, this insatiable need for acceptance sometimes or most of the times allow us to settle , not even settle but to ironically ACCEPT things we do not deserve. Msm often subject themselves to what I would call sub human conditioning treatment, where in which one allows themselves to be treated badly or unfairly as a sacrifice to be accepted. As this continues there is a conditioning of the mind of the individual which leads a grave misplacement of their values systems: beating me is ok cuz if he doesn’t slap me now and again its not love, if he cheat we tolerate as one sees themselves in that person and not as a separate entity, unprotected sense is ok because I trust him…… these are all very sad cases but they all have the same root the need to be accepted.
             Msm of all walks of life need to learn this important tool of empowerment. Being in the attractor factor taught me this skill session after session after session. You have to love you first and loving you first means accepting you first. So then it leads me to conclude LOVE IS ACCEPTANCE…. And if we truly do not accept ourselves wholeheartedly we indirectly give others the right to not value us, to not respect, nor view us as confident because we have not accepted ourselves….. just like the other intrinsic qualities of forgiveness and virtue accept yourself. Look to your worth and have confidence in all the dimensions of your existence. NOT ACCEPTING YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE IS THE BIGGEST HUMAN ERROR AS YOU CAN BE NO ONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF.  Love you all.

Sweet Enigma
Group Multifaceted

The Shadow Days are over

We all knew that that time would come when we would have to leave high school and enter into the meaner World. We all knew that we would soon have to come out from behind the shadows of our stereotypes, put our armors on and brace ourselves for the harsh realities of what the transition from pre-teen to post trauma (aka adulthood) brings.
Growing up sucks! – can you empathize?

On grad day when we all hit the 2nd verse of Mariah and Whitney’s “When you believe” (the quintessential kick ass song of the century) and we come to the realization that ‘yes, shit will get crappy’. But Mariah’s reassuring vocals gives us something to hold onto… miracles. Like really, seriously Mariah… miracles? –scoffs-  how about marching to Amy Whinehouse’s  “You know I’m no good”  and just keep it re-to-the-ezeal with us tentative slaves or slave masters?
No matter how much we try to protest the World’s conforms, it’s undeniable that we are all a part of a cruel social triangle that ultimately hands us either a blue ribbon or a sword and shield – what we do with it, is absolutely up to us.

“Break free from the back allies of life before it’s too late. March your way out onto the highways taking your opportunity by the hand and learn how to fly”
We are a generation with 21st Century minds, progressive and innovative… the Shadow Days are over and now our destinies and fates are our own.

The Deflector
Rule 2

And Then There Was May 6

Wherever we are on this day our interest and the insatiable thirst for empowerment leads us here. Walking to the “Safe Space” on a Sunday became the route to my second home. Between the hours of 2 to 5 or more realistically 3 to 7 hehe…. have been some of the most enlightening hours of my life. So here goes I enter the complex the environs welcome me with the raspy tone of voice hehehe, struts like a CHAMPION on my way to the door where I press the buzzer and do my routine impatient face as I open the door to my home and went inside. As I entered I give my Mr World walk and distorted my face with traces of sadness so they could pour out more love cuz I just can’t get inuf… smiles…. I make my way to the register I am the 3rd one there.
     
This building is the place where I unraveled some of my deepest and most silly thoughts and actions. Like a school yard each section of the compound has a particular memory attached to hit and as I walk I enter a living slide show subsisting with my current actions as my thoughts play out in retrospect. May 6, familiar faces, closes friends, laughs, jokes, convos and all the works. We are safe, secured and confident with ourselves…. Everything is right with the world until it is announced that this is our last meeting in a session as a group of this nature. The picture slowly darkened and I became sad and upset>>>>> but before that
         
We had a very interesting relay which is in keeping with everything we do there>>> this race was geared to highlight the importance of knowing your state of affairs when engaging in sexual activity or in all spheres of life. We had to run and touch the tip of a dildo and run around it 10 times then we proceeded to the end of the room to touch our team mates hand who will do just the same. This was extremely funny because when one was finished running around the dildo 10 times (this was a race so they really went hard) they would be dizzy on running towards their team mates. Some fell, others looked disorientated (which they were) and some were enjoying the child like quality of being dizzy. As I watched I looked on and realized that these people are my family, not only were we learning a valuable lesson, we were bonding not just as msms but as males as humans in a natural state. As the members of the anchor legs set off they had to run around the dildo 20 times lol to their demise, by the time they reached 10 they became dizzy and watching after that was hilarious. When they were finished, it was their task to put on the condom on their dildo properly. This was no easy task but each finalist did it>>> lets just say to varying degrees of success. A discussion ensued there after about the high risks involved when one does not know their state of affairs esp when intoxicated. We learnt abt how msms sometimes put themselves at risk because they dntknw when its too much, they dntknw their portions while drinking.
        
 Sunday was a reflection and I could just feel and see it in everyone’s faces. This is it. I wish we could all repeat you knw, a season 2 of cohort 2. That has a nice ring to it. We reflected on how the 5 precious stones have impacted our outlook on relationships and it was evident that people had grown sooo much during the programme. We then evaluated all the facilitators and did our final evaluation sheet. The atmosphere is the rooms was comforting, my outlook on the programme coming to an end changed and it was all positive and grateful thoughts flowing through my head.

The attractor factor has spearheaded a new chapter of development in our lives. One filled with the theme of empowerment, things such as what I think abt myself is more important that what others think of me, if I change my perception, I change my reality, will all positively stain our hearts. The attractor factor always stressed positivity which is its signature this made me really appreciative of who I am a person and to value those around me. Broadcasts such as the Secret and the Dl chronicles taught us life lessons in a creative way. I now know that I need not be stupid or what but 100% safe.
       
 May 6 made me appreciate the diverse cohort member s that I have, the human condition is becoming clearer to me as I leave with a piece of each of their stories. Looking in their eyes for that session made sure of that. We are not just Cohort 2 but a group of young men dedicated to the cause of self worth. They will forever be my friends, brothers and I love them all dearly. This has been an experience totally characterized by our growth and willingness coupled with the beautiful people we call our facilitators. It was destiny why we experience vulnerability and joy together.
May 6 was a beautiful day, after the session we worked within our groups for our graduation this Sunday. It will be the time when we officially leave the programme but permanently seal our experiences together. As we left May 6, we earned the right to say we are family, an empowered one. Sunday will be fun sooo see you guys there for our final hooorah!!!

Sweet Enigma
Multifaceted

Stigma and Discrimination among Men who have sex with Men in Jamaica

With prevalence data showing that more than a third of the population of MSM in Jamaica are HIV are HIV infected, and with the understanding that stigma and discrimination of MSM is a major barrier to accessing health and social services that can  help mitigate the growing HIV and AIDS epidemic.


Types of Discrimination
 Verbal stigma/discrimination, enacted directly or within earshot of the target. Labels such as batty bwoy or batty man, who many believe is the country’s rifle, and those terms have become part of the general arsenal of derogatory words used in heated disputes.
 Physical discrimination/harassment, with reports of MSM being stabbed, shot, and attacked with machetes and sticks or a target of violent threats due to their sexuality.
 Nonverbal stigma/discrimination, including derogatory looks, shunning, and avoidance.
 Stigma/discrimination, these are commonly enacted when the males is alone making him an easier target.
Perpetrators of stigma/discrimination
 While both males and females enacted stigma/discrimination against MSM, the overall profiles of the perpetrators are males between 18-45 years of age. This proves that males are more likely to make more negative and threatening comments than females.

Interpersonal influence
 When family members discover that one of their own is a MSM, reactions often become violent threats and involve ejection from the home.
 MSM experience stigma/discrimination within their own community, including from friends and partners.
 This is based on divisions between more effeminate vs. masculine MSM and gay vs. non-gay-identified MSM.
 This is often enacted in public places where more masculine and/or straight-identified males would divorce/separate themselves from more effeminate and/or gay-identified males or tell the more effeminate/gay-identified male to “man up” or “tone down their realness.”
Community influence
 The most common environment for stigma/discrimination at the community level is public spaces, including retail spaces, parks, transportation, and, most commonly, “the road.”
 Stigmatizing/discriminating comments in public spaces often afford perpetrators an audience. Sometimes said indirectly within earshot of an MSN, these comments were more directly audible to others in the area with the intent of inciting a response and making the incident the focal point of activity.
 Public spaces are often used to express negative opinions about MSM in general and included physical discrimination and harassment by motorists and pedestrians as well as police officers.
 MSM discrimination take place in the rental property market; landlords asked discriminatory questions to determine if the potential tenant is an MSM.
 Discrimination is experienced with the unwillingness of cashiers or store clerks to assist customers deemed to be MSMs.
Institutional influence
 In educational establishments MSM were a regular target of verbal insults and shunning in dormitories/on campuses; sexual harassment from MSM in positions of power (teachers, lecturers) took place.
 In health facilities staff and providers often use nonverbal actions and body language to communicate disrespect; staff gossip about MSM patients take place.
 In a church stigma/discrimination was manifested in both the doctrine preached and in the shunning/discriminatory behaviors of both congregants and religious leaders.
Impact of stigma/discrimination on MSM
Common feeling among MSM ethnographers include:
 Depression and suicidal thoughts to resolve endless emotional pain
 Fear of daily verbal abuse and physical attacks
 Frustration with having to hide oneself and not live freely
 Feelings of anger and acts of retaliation towards perpetrators
 Conduct greater advocacy for addressing MSM stigma/discrimination among MSM and supportive communities.
 Develop media campaigns to address social norms of stigma/discrimination and encourage interpersonal and community-level dialogue to support change.
 Conduct capacity strengthening with education, social service, health facility staff, and others who are in the position to misuse their power with MSM.
 Develop targeted interventions with youth, parents and religious leaders and church members.

Multifaceted

Dash Weh The Dutty Wata

Its is said that everything we do in life is based upon choice; actually that statement is so right. All that we do, we choose to do it. So what's up with the people that keep holding on to their past. The ones that has gotten hurt, the ones that has been mistreated and damaged and torn. It not that we chose to hold on to the past or hang to the hurt but its that little thing that keeps our mind unrest. " Will I get hurt and abused again."

Because of all of our bad fortunes we block the world and also lock out all the people that really care and love loves us. I know its not easy to just let go off something that has hurt us, but if we want happiness we must change ourselves and then the world will also be changed.

Throwing away the dirty water is the best solution on our quest of happiness. It makes no sense to try and curtain our emotion which will become detrimental. Its rather smart to go again through the hurt stage and find love again than block my true feelings. Once you are granted that one opportunity live, love hard and remember to put you first. Find love and embrace it. Water it, nurture it and it will bloom and bring forth delicious fruits.

Jujay Sammie
Rule 2 

The Real Issue: Part 1

Within the MSM community there has been the all important golden rule of not being real. (Yuh too real, why yuh suh real, him real eeeh) have been comments that have permeated the psyche of this small but divisive family… quite the dysfunction. The term being real given in its purest context means a male acting overly feminine, being too effeminate, walking like someone’s beyonce, talking exceeding girly, wearing their clothes in a feminine way and all the mannerisms associated with typical female behaviour. Members of this community have more often than not accused each other of being real why?? This has to do a lot about projection because infact no matter how masculine you are all… umm  let me not go there well most msms have some “realness abt them, some real moments”. So you ask where I get the authority to say that, the authority rests in the fact that they are varying degrees of realness from the mild to the most extreme just as any other thing in social life such as abject and mild poverty. Within the community members exhibit different levels of realness it could be mild to extreme.

          Remnants of the straight world have left foot prints re this issue coupled with the gender issues relating to how masculine or feminine a person should be. This creates problems in the msm community as association is the line between life and death, getting through regularly day by day or being tormented every living second of every day.  Typical scenario: 2 msms walking on the road you have the mild real  type and the extreme real type. The mild real type goes about his business unnoticed regular looking straight behaving, then the extreme real type. Constant giggles, tyra banks walk, too much gestures and then the inevitable happens someone makes a comment they are identified branded in the psyche of all those who saw and heard the comments made to them….. Forever labeled as the batty boys>>> sad scenario but it happens every day whether the statement is made directly to the persons or said in secret they are labeled as being gay. The main problem with the concept of being real is that it is the main denominator/ identifier for msms. That is the marker, acting girly = being gay.

              Each msm whether out or not, in the closet or under the bed prefers to be straight in the eyes of society they are secretly of another moral political party and they go off with clandestine like behaviour. Being real becomes a problem as it threatens identity and is readily identified with being gay so that male is open to public scrutiny, assault and battery, social exlusion all things which the charter of human rights cater for but I guess they are crippled in Ja land we think we love. So what is the real issue??? The real issue also forces stereotypical sex roles such as the bottom and places the male into a receptacle of planned ideal behaviours according to the extent of his/her realness eg. If u r mild real then u r a top, If you are halfway real then you are a verse and if you are extremely real then you are a bottom. Ironically this order have many times been subverted, tossed all around and been made useless. Being real is a contruct and should  not act as a catalyst for msms to discriminate against each other in the name of self pursuits….. if you disagree then I just hope that you choose carefully your side of the real spectrum…. Because isn’t that the real issue???

Sweet Enigma
Group: Multifaceted

Can I Be A Christian MSM?

Never have I ever felt this way. My life has changed and I am conflicted with the world, flesh and spirituality. The right reason I feel inside and I am cognizant of all the things that should be done but it’s very hard and it strengthens the guilt which I experience when I know the right but justifiably do the wrong.  It’s really a conflict of interest the flesh and the spirit... My life is continuously proving that this issue is the hardest and most inevitable in one’s life. In every living soul called human which subsists with the natural world, has its own unique way of exhibiting this inherent mortal issue which many people because of their religious brevity or better yet ignorance do not know they have this problem. It is an issue of psychological and spiritual warfare. To the average or reasonable man religion Is just a way of acknowledging that there is a Supreme Being who created us and lays down our destiny which must come to pass. But I was not always of this view.

         Religion for me was indescribable, something permeating the natural and spiritual world a way of life but essential something enigmatic but ironically it is simple but it is not thus furthering the point of it being an enigma……  Religion has always been semi important in my life in that, I acknowledge its importance but the extent to which I thought about this invariable entity was very close to none at all. For when I do think of it, I often leave my mind confused with less appreciation for its importance.

           Religion and being an msn seems to be at polar odds according to the theoretic. But is it really?, speaking in strictly Christian terms books such as Leviticus, Romans and Corinthians seem to profess the truth abt the incompatibility of being an msm and experiencing the unending love of the creator. Being in the attractor factor have cracked a little hole where the light of revelation dawned upon me. GOD LOVES AND CANNOT HATE THEREFORE GOD LOVES ME FOR WHOM I AM. Quite the revelation huh…?? But in its truest sense I often ignored Christianity because I thought that we were estranged relatives due to my attraction to men.  But to be frank that’s bull…. I was still in the dark of how love is and how God is and if taken from the vantage point that GOD LOVES AND CANNOT HATE….. Then why do I allow mere human beings to control my thoughts and prescribe my actions like the good old pharmacist.

 The relationship between you and your supreme being in whatever way you conceive that person to be is perfect, do not let anyone derail and invalidate your belief system. I still say to each his own and I have planted a seed of newness and of spiritual reproductivity, a fertile mind to conceive thoughts that will uplift me and give birth to actions that are enabling to myself and in my interactions. As MSMs we must claim our rights to Christianity as we all have an equal interest in the property of the Almighty and I dont wanna get all father Moses on but just knw your worth and have faith in whomever you believe in……. As an MSM I can be spiritual and I can be a Christian.

Sweet Enigma
Group: Multifaceted

H!V and HOMOPHOBIA

 

In Jamaica there has been a strong link in the public mind between HIV and homosexuality. This is probably because when the epidemic first hit in the United States it was seen as a gay disease. While it did first emerge within the white, middle class gay community there, and many of the early advocates for care and prevention were gay men, the virus is not limited to the gay population. This is evident from the fact that in the United States today, the epidemic of new infections is largely concentrated among heterosexual African-Americans and Latino Americans.

           

The stigma of homosexuality that lingers in Jamaica however continues to undermine efforts to control the spread of infection. Many who feel it is a homosexual illness refuse to be tested or reject messages about the importance of practicing safer sex behaviors and practices. When someone tests positive, especially a man, they run the risk of being subjected to scrutiny about the sexual orientation that can lead to the disruption or breaking of important ties with family and community.

Homophobia, like other forms of hateful discriminations divides society and turns one group against another, creating a climate in which the virus can spread unchecked. Homophobia prevents the communication that is vital to stemming the tide of the epidemic. This affects not only men who have sex with men, but also the larger society of which we are all a part.

THE REALITY

HIV combined with homophobia means that:

 Some heterosexual men refuse to be tested or practice safe sex because they believe HIV is a homosexual illness

Some heterosexual women may not ask the men to wear a condom because they think that would mean their man is sleeping with other men

Some bisexual men may refuse to wear a condom because the fear being accused by their female partners of being gay

People testing positive may be shunned and gossiped about because they are assumed to be MSM

People who are MSMS are terrified to come forward or access safer sex information that is appropriate to the types of sex they have.

    
Multifaceted

Love Me Honestly

Honesty is among the most underrated factors of a happy life. To be completely honest with ourselves and the people in our lives is freedom in itself. I describe it as my ‘superpower’, given its rarity and effect. The ability to freely vocalize your thoughts and feelings with zero inhibitions. To access your own chamber of secrets and ‘level wid yuself’. To expose your true self, vulnerable, uncontaminated and… honest. More than often do we access these chambers but pay very little attention to the power of its content. Our friends, family and even strangers influence who we allow ourselves to be. I’ve had to ‘keep-up’ with my appearance a lot, until I decided to truly be the best me and show it. People’s opinions stopped mattering first, past mistakes were sent back to the past and now I’m starting with a clean slate. When people ask me to share my thoughts I will share them honestly. When it comes to decision making I will make them honestly. But most importantly, when it comes to existing, relating and representing myself I will do it honestly. I made it my life’s mission to ‘break the mold’, to be different and kick ass at anything that anyone told me I couldn’t do. But it wasn’t until I realized that I needed to first break my own mold before I could really FLY. Away with people’s expectations, tradition and standards. I am ready to be me, to be free. Thanks to the “The Attractor Factor Project” for showing me my true capacity and allowing me the opportunity to be me, to love me… honestly. 

Rule 2

You are your own Limit

 

“When a Man can look within himself, recognize and embrace his honest capacity is when his World will truly change”

It’s easy to say that when things are at its worst (when you have nothing to lose) is the best time to start over. While reinvention is promoted and actively facilitated by one’s state of despair it’s easiest for us to act upon reconstruction of our lives due to our inability to realize that we are our own limits. It is within us and whether we want to believe that we can, at any point change the direction of our lives without arriving at ‘rock bottom’ first. Pride, the elimination of this state of mind is in fact the most vital movement in initiating the opening of our greater power (that of change). “All my friends and my reputation, I cannot –after umpteen years- get up and change my entire life” … well you can actually. It is after you have removed the regards of your surrounding and put that of yourself to the forefront of your priorities that you will truly be able to become the best YOU.

What if I am content with the me I am today?

The strength of this message is how it illuminates the fact that we are our own limits. If it is within you to set your limit to the ends of your current state, more power to you but it all goes back to the simple fact that it is ultimately our actions that determine our futures. 

Rule 2

The Scenario, On The Down-low

Behind closed doors, unspeakable acts and secrecy thrives. The down-low male blurs the lines between clear cut margins, black or white, good or bad, gay or straight. Society has involuntarily bred a new form of sexual identity, because the down-low male doesn’t want to identify himself as being gay or bisexual. He is by simplest definition a male who has a female partner(s) but engages in discrete sexual activities with other men. 

The DL scenario is no different from an individual trying to keep up appearances, masquerading a persona in order to be accepted and fit into the confines of social strata. The Jamaican male archetypes have always been defined by rigid traits and standards, the male ego is exaggerated and aggression and blatant ignorance are glamorized then reinforced in popular media. So where is the DL male’s place in a society that’s about black or white and doesn’t leave much avenue for exploring other grey emotions? He is forced to live double lives to avoid being bashed and becoming a social outcast but the damage to his self-esteem is unfathomable.

The TABS session got me thinking, who is at fault? Is it society who is wrong for not being more flexible and accepting, or is the down-low male at fault for not being honest with himself, his peers, his family and sexual partners? How big a role does he play in the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases and infections? And is it karma’s twisted sense of humour that comes into play when females who promote hatred against MSMs find themselves with a DL guy? 

I have come to this conclusion, it is human nature to adapt to survive, and charades exhibited by the DL male become his defence mechanism to endure in an unaccepting world, where he himself isn’t accepting his own truth. The craving and lust for another male becomes his forbidden fruit, and guilty partaking leaves him confused and ashamed, but sexually fulfilled. The feeling of another male’s body against his, inside him, the union of lusting lips, throbbing bodies and eager hands, it is his kryptonite. The DL male like any other MSM is entrusted with the duty to protect himself and his partners, while the moral card that comes into play becomes out of The Attractor’s realm of judgement. But The Attractor’s self-esteem and self-worth are high, and he desires to play a starring role in his partner’s life, not an occasional cameo.

The Attractor

Finding Mr. Biggs: Part 1

It’s become a common thing for me to limit myself to engaging a certain type of guy. Not only do I favor them but they are naturally drawn to me as well. He’s a man’s man for the most part, suave, mature, defined and borderline ‘cool’. I, being who I am would right of preferring a ‘type’ as overrated, but I still somehow find myself attracted to that one ‘type’ of guy. I’d think myself a catch; articulate, ambitious, blah blah blah. So why do I tend to attract good looking assholes?

Introducing The Looker’s theory;

What people see you as first is what will draw them in, First impressions does in fact matter.

My jeans are tight, necklines low-cut, straight face, bright smile, and the sexiest habit of licking my lips at just the right moments. That all apparently equals to “Douches to the front of the line please”. Mistake me not though, good guys do come but they’re always either taken or newly single (a place I dread venturing to, too much invisible baggage). But to the meat of the matter now; I met these two guys around the same time and it turns out that they’re friends. Initially I was drawn to the taller one, effervescent, engaging and charming. During the head-over-heels phase the other guy (Lets call him B) made clear his feelings towards me in the cutest way ever, and I friendzoned him (‘Big’ Mistake).

As I got to know ‘A’ better I found that he was rather judgmental, forceful, and extremely misleading even though he made my clock tick. At this point I played the expected ‘playas’ move… and went in to give ‘B’ a shot (apologies if that comes out a little mean but this IS all a game). It turns out that Mr. Biggs (He just got promoted from just B – I consider Myself Carrie BTW) is easily NOT MY TYPE, but definitely a piece of heaven that I once tasted and now CA-RAAVES! He’s very different, expressive yet introverted, passionate, caring and positively a lover. BUT, I am newly determined to engage in a Mr. Compromise. See I am in fact verse but have fallen submissively more times than I have risen to the ‘top’ (giggles). So this time around I want the best of both worlds, among other things of course. Ok, now with all that rambling here comes the spoiler… I am yet to tell Mr. Biggs how I feel and god forbids it doesn’t go how I dreamt that it did for 3 nights straight. But I am determined to pursue him nonetheless. Kick back and watch me work… Mr. Biggs, you won’t know what hit you… GAME ON!

The Deflector

VIOLENCE AGAINST GAY MEN


Violence against gay men has become a part of everyday society in Jamaica. Over the last several decades, with a growing intensity, hate has been promoted against homosexuals and justified by many community and national leader “not in my cabinet”.
This hatred is often expressed in music. Many dancehall entertainers have used the medium of music to incite attacks on persons believed to be homosexual. By releasing songs such as, -BUM bye bye inna batty bwoy head- Me nah mingle wid nuh man-From dem a par inna chi chi man car bring the fire mek we bun dem- among many others.

These dancehall calls to violence are answered by real violence on the streets. These attacks are known as “judgements” and are a part of life in Jamaica. Judgements can be verbal abuse, but in their stronger form “Batty bwoy fi dead” “Me woulda never put my dick inna another man bottom” how them bwoy deh so nasty FIRE and LIGTHENING f idem”. Judgements are also physical attacks on men designed to put the victim in the hospital or even to kill him.  

These judgements are not limited to the streets of Jamaica. Jamaica exports its homophobic violence. One report describes a judgement on the streets of London where a group of human rights activist was protesting an awards ceremony that honored among other genres and artist, some of dancehall’s most homophobic songs and singers. These protestors, themselves UK citizens exercising their civil liberties, were attacked by supporters of theses homophobic DJs, to the point where British police told the protestors their safety could not be guaranteed.
THE REALITY
When violence is sanctioned against one element of the community it puts everyone at risk.
EVERYONE PAYS THE PRICE!
1. Because of actual violence or fear of violent attack, some people rumoured to be gay or bisexual (MSM=Men who have sex with men) are forced to flee their homes and communities
2. Violence against MSMS adds to the burden on the already overstretched health and security services.
3. The fear and threat of violence prevents and threat of violence prevents people from developing their full potential as productive members of society
4. Sanctioning violence against sexual minorities confirms Jamaica’s reputation as a violent society to travelers, to investors and to development agencies
5. Sanctioning violence against ANY GROUP sends the message to our children and to the wider society that violence is acceptable.


Multifaceted 

Top, bottom or verse?

Homosexual relationships have always been labelled by society as a taboo, in the gay community itself exist more labels: Top, Bottom and Verse. The “Top” being identified as the person who penetrates the other, the “Bottom” being the partner who is penetrated and the “Verse” partner being somewhere in between, flirting with both sexual roles. Labels exist to differentiate and identify, being labelled as a “Top”, “Bottom” or “Verse” refers exclusively to sexual roles, with the criteria being limited as such. I sat through the TABS session taking the backseat, listening to the views being thrown out, and the one thing that stood out most was the stereotypes associated with each role.

The “Top” is portrayed as the masculine provider, he’s dominant and commanding, he’s tall, dark and handsome and he epitomizes the social guidelines as to how a male show be, his mannerisms, how he speaks, how he dresses. The “Bottom” is portrayed in the opposite light, he’s weak and effeminate, he submits to his partner, he takes on the role in the relationship that a woman would in a heterosexual arrangement. But in retrospect, isn’t comparing a homosexual relationship to a heterosexual one out of context? The dynamics are different, and they are supposed to be, gender roles are more fluid and mutual agreement permits a chance to even play on social roles, asking who’s the “man” and who’s the “woman” in a gay relationship becomes just as absurd as going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.

The verse partner by extension enjoys the best of both worlds, his role is less rigid and usually more comfortable, with the “Verse-bottom” being penetrated on most occasions but every now and then, flipping the script. Similarly, the “Verse-top” enjoys being penetrated on occasions.

The masculine guy who identifies himself as a “Bottom” should become no more surprising than the effeminate guy identifying himself as a “Top”. Stereotypes will only exist because they are a general truth, the perpetuation of negative stereotypes in the gay community will only serve to damage and demotivate, rather than uplift and empower. The “Bottom” adapts the roles of a submissive woman in a heterosexual relationship, because that is expected. Putting him at risk to be overpowered and engaging in unsafe activities.
Being a top, bottom or verse should be applied only to preferred sexual practises, just like sexual preference only identifies one aspect of an individual’s life. Instead of becoming the product of a label, The Attractor chooses to break free from social conforms. He’s empowered and he’s multidimensional, he wants to get to know you, whether you’re a top, bottom or verse.

The Attractor

I forgive you so I can Fly...

No matter what has been done to Me I can forgive but how do I forgive when it feels like I am letting the person who hurt me off the hook.
Forgiveness reminds me of that medicine you need a sip of every night
Pain surfaces as anger and resentment and depletion of energy and I end up sick so what do I do?
I am in a position where I'm not courageous enough to forgive I almost feel stuck in my inability to forgive.

But I have to fly forgiveness is that spiritual laxative that I need to survive because I am unforgiving I am blaming casting Judgments and harboring feelings of resentment towards all the people I think hurt me
The truth is I feel these people really did something bad to me but I also feel this is one gift I must give to myself forgiveness. 

I find Peace in the truth that everything is as it needs to be so no more being emotionally retarded and spiritually constipated by being unforgiving,yes the Negative ego steps in and tells me a host of things but now I have the courage to say shut the fuck up their are other people hurting because I am unforgiving

I give up this "projection dramatic festival" and let love transform everything

If I don't heal the wounds of my past I will continue to bleed and stain my life and often time "when blood stain summuh wi dash it weh" but in this case I have power in my hands to stop the bleeding.

So I start by giving up the Hope that my past could be everything because truth is life is unfolding as it should.

Maybe I never really understood forgiveness I probably thought it was about letting someone off the hook but in actuality its all about me.

I give myself permission to let go these piled intentions that someone did something to me I no longer have to be bitter about something that happened in my past I forgive you so I can be forgiven. Just like I hurt you hurt so I forgive you but most importantly I forgive myself for judging you as hurting me
I forgive myself for judging you as not loving me
I forgive myself for saying bad things to my friends about you
I forgive myself for denying myself of your love for 3 long years
After all I am probably that beloved Child in whom you are well pleased
I forgive I let it Go and Now I can FLY fly Fly .

ScorpionKing

The Five Precious Stones

The other day I read an article on relationships, it explored the types of relationships that have become so common today and the trend they all seem to take. Boy meets boy, boy likes boy, and for about a week or so there is persistent interest, things are great and they’re in love. But somewhere down the line, things go badly maybe after two months or three, boy is heartbroken and swears off the male species, boy meets another boy…
It got me thinking of the arrangements that exist in the MSM community and the trends relationships exhibit. Prototype 1: The conventional relationship, or the MSM take on it, two committed partners plus an ex (or friend) trying to ruin things. Then Prototype 2: The fuck buddy. Forming bonds of any sort is a primal instinct, but when forming the most intimate of bonds, one that takes on a sexual and emotional form, there needs to be a rule book to tackle the matter: What are the norms, what is abnormal, what is right, what is wrong? The truth of it all is there is no right or wrong, personal experiences come into play and individuals have to decide what’s right, for them.
TABS introduced me to the concept of “The Five Precious Stones”, we each got five stones, each representative of the pillars necessary to support and establish a successful relationship: Physical, Personality, Values, Vocational and General Requirements. I took the time to detail what was right, for me, and not only was I able to get a better idea of what I wanted from a partner, but it also got me thinking what I wanted from a relationship. Am I emotionally ready for a relationship and what can I bring to a relationship.
I thought of it in the sense of a grocery list, and two scenarios. The first was going to the grocery store without a list, picking up items randomly as you browse through what the store has to offer then going home upset at how much money you’ve spent and time that you wasted. The second is taking the time out to go through your cupboards, writing down exactly what you need, what you need versus what you want; prioritizing, sticking strictly to the list and having an overall fulfilling shopping experience. In the MSM context, there’s putting yourself out there and accepting the first guy that comes along, which in the end not only wastes your time, but can leave emotional scars. “The Five Precious Stones” simplifies this and makes it clear, taking the time to decide what you want and need from a partner and a relationship, what you’re willing to compromise on, what you’re not.
With that in mind, here’s to not wasting my time or yours, that’s if you meet up to my “Five Precious Stones”, of course.

The Attractor

Through the Looking Glass...

Curious faces, some familiar, some not so familiar, nervous glances and awkward nail-biting gestures. Day 1 of unanswered questions: "What the hell am I doing here?" "What is this all about?" and "Who are these people?" Past allegiances unite and cling desperately together for the comfort familiarity brings, the lone man sits in a corner silent.
TABS starts off like any new adventure, the nervousness, the hesitation, but grows on you, and close to you, until you're part of "The family". The message is simple, empowerment of young MSMs (Men who have sex with men), emphasis on "young", because thoughts initially stray into lands of questioning how appropriate it is for some of these guys to be here, but really, isn't it very appropriate for them to be in such a nurturing setting? The setting itself is safe and breeds freedom of expression.
I started off TABS just like the other person, the questions, the nervousness and the compromised comfort that new faces bring, but if humans could go to the moon (whether Neil Armstrong had us all fooled or not) then any challenge can be tackled head on, and that’s what I did. Defences up, sword and shield at ready, I tread onto the precarious emotional battlefield. Because initially, we all really were at war with ourselves, some passively putting up defences, others wearing a frown and disapproving body language like a bulletproof vest.
The trick of it all is having an open mind, making yourself vulnerable, and pulling the jig-saw pieces of your life apart to fit them together perfectly with a helping hand. See I believe Jamaica should be expecting a COLLASAL disaster anytime soon, with social decay cutting away at the moral fibre that holds this country together, so what if... What if someone comes along, someone more experienced, more knowledgeable, maybe someone sexy (which actually makes the attention grasping process easier than you'd imagine), better yet, what if a couple folks with that common goal of getting this country back on track come together, giving it a shot seems only humane.
In my capacities as a human and a flawed individual, I'm about to give it a go. Its your call now, mister.


The Attractor