The Role of Parents in the Empowerment of MSMs
Cohort three of the TABS Empowerment workshop kicked off to a promising start, hungry minds, questioning eyes, a thirst for information and a chance to be heard monopolized the new batch of “Attractors”. I am an outsider looking in, I am also the Attractor, yet nothing like this new set of curious hopefuls, I am empowered and have rid myself of preconceived notions and all the baggage that once set me back from realizing my true potential.
The discussion that kicked off centred around parents, visualizing our conception in the womb and our coming into this world with the traits that set us apart from every carbon copy individual, the characteristics that make us unique and special, those we inherited and those that developed on their own. The attractors presented their tales through a number of creative mediums, from their mother they got their drive and determination, their zealousness, the sugar, spice and all things nice. But then a reoccurring sad depiction took place in almost every attractor’s presentation, negative imagery and a hopeless account of the traits they inherited from their fathers.
Personally, I have never had the idea relationship with my father, but he has always been present in one form or the other and like most of the attractors, I have a deeper connection with my mother. But it stimulated thought, how did this impact my development and how did his passenger seat influence in my nurturing affect my confidence, as a male. And how empowered can I feel as young MAN who has had limited interaction with the male figure expected to lead and steer me in the right direction.
Many MSMs have encountered less than ideal situations with their parents where they are left feeling judged, ashamed and less than because of their sexuality. But where often we fail is manifesting the drive to motivate ourselves, and forgive them for not understanding then hope for their moments of joyous epiphanies, where they can learn to accept and love us. CHOOSING to hold on to the emotional baggage of repressed thoughts and CHOOSING to believe the negative imagery painted by the persons we expect to love us unconditionally, indirectly we are also CHOOSING to be demotivated, depressed and think less of ourselves, thereby CHOOSING to supress our uniqueness and live unhappily.
Letting go of the hurt and the pain may seem hard, but its not until we make the conscious decision to be happy, and focus on that happiness and how we’d prefer to interact with our parents, family and peers, using that ideal to attract positive energy. Until then, will we be able to empower ourselves and the persons around us, and take charge of our own destiny and well-being.
letting go is hard to do, but happiness is my main priority so if it means dropping all these baggage to be free, happy and proud of myself, i am gonna start my journey of forgiveness,
ReplyDelete(five precious stones)
Group (five precious stone)
ReplyDeletethat's right letting go off the baggage will help us to be free, keeping the hatred, grieve or any of those sort will only affect us not the person who made us sad. its about time we pay closer attention to ourselves and what we are about
(FIVE PRECIOUS STONE)
ReplyDeleteFathers are placed in our lives for a specific reasons. They are that force that makes the mistakes, that sets the bad examples, that treat their child/children the wrong way. So that if and when we become fathers, we wont make the same mistakes that they made.
My father didnt play an active part in my life, but using him as an example i learnt not to abuse alchohol at parties, or not to smoke at all...
So to all fathers out their, thanks for being that examples to us MSM's... so that we may grow to be the exact opposite of you.. and make Jamaica a better place =D *1 love
Parents on a hold do take a lot of time to come around. The don't have the right to know what you are truly.Father or not it nuh make one big difference to me my daddy was on my life however much he could be. me becoming what i am was a choice base on what and who am attracted to the most. tho i never started out that way. Parents are you worst enemy and your best friend at some state in ones life.(FIVE PRECIOUS STONES)
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is never a easy thing but it can be done. What I believe is tripping us up is putting into a practical situation the conversations we want to have with our parents. It is not easy for everyone to discuss homosexuality with their parents but you're right. It needs to be done. Good article!
ReplyDeleteGroup : Five Precious Stones
Why as homosexuals some of us have to make it bad for others, they say that they want it to be illegalized and they are behaving like that OMG. since i was told about the FIVE PRECIOUS STONES i am seeing a huge change in myself and i would like to thank ASHE for doing this to help us
ReplyDeleteI support the concept of the 5 Precious Stones completely. Reason being i think most if not all MSM's are thin skinned when it comes to choosing a partner. We say "Oh he must be tall or brown with nice hair and a big *shut yo mouth*. We fail to take into consideration that these surface values are why most of our relationships are failing...
DeleteWith the 5 Precious Stones we can have a physical representation of the things we should look for, something that we can carry around with us, something that we can look at everyday and remind us about the qualities we want in our relationship.. it also helps us not to run and "dash out" pan every lil adonis that walks on by...
As MSM's if we want Jamaica to change we should posses some level of pride and value.
I am not cheap, and you aren't either.. I have standards, and so should all MSMs..
Empower yourselves.. Respect ourselves.. and Jamaica will in due time come to respect our freedom...
<3 Geo
(Taunia's group)
Where is the link to the resume? i cant find it here
ReplyDeletei thing it some good because some mother,s dono,t know what there child is going true so i thing all mom need it ever if ur child is not gays are gay (taunia group)
ReplyDeleteI believe its a big step, but for our total happiness we have to accept our self for who we really are, I can speak from experience that it takes time for the total transformation, but once you are focus of clean out the dirt, the negative imagery you have yourself, the thoughts of how your life is a disgrace and the list could go on ... but i can say that after letting go all that negativity its a great relief and you feel so free inside and through this acceptance, others I believe will be moved and there state of mind will be changed. (Taunia's Group)
ReplyDeleteParents I believe have a great impact on MSM in the home and the society also have great impact, because of the tradition most persons are reluctant to us(MSM)... but its time that society begins to accept that the world is changing and stop enforcing their believes on others, if we say that this society is a free one so why not allow each and every one to live a life free from stigma and discrimination. If parents communicates with the children more both heterosexual and homosexual and get to know, love and understand them each and this will go a very far way, because really some MSM do not know where to go, who to turn to and so are confused as they are been forced to believe that what they are doing is wrong even if it means scarifying there happiness ... and most young MSM are screaming out for help and the closet person (there persons) to them they believe they can not go to. So I believe parenting interventions need to be implemented to help parents to better handle there family relationships, which leads to a better and more open society.(Taunia's Group)
ReplyDeleteI would like to talk about the role of my father..... See, my father has always been around, he is who I live with right now too, but he has never really been there ya know? Like he was there but never sensitive to my needs really. I dare not say to him that he was not a good father because he takes offense to that. But, in actuality, he is not an effective father.
ReplyDeleteRonzoni
(Taunia's group)
My father has never carried me out to a setting to bond on our friendship, or to instill male values in me. The only time we would go out is on my birthdays to a fast food restaurant like McDonald's and I remember I would always cherish the toys I got then.... I cannot say safely that I may not have been an MSM if he did hang out with me more because as far as I remember, I always liked boys. But maybe, I would have liked girls sexually. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteRonzoni
(Taunia's group)
It is always awkward for me to hang around a group consisting of the stereotypical Jamaican male. The conversation is usually rich and I engage a lot in them until they begin to speak about a woman's looks and start to compliment her, and I stay in the corner and start to play with my nails or simply nodding and smiling. I laugh at myself sometimes because I know I do not share the same sentiment, and usually these guys I hang out with are the ones that I am sexually attracted to, so I would be more likely to compliment them over the girls they are admiring....
ReplyDeleteRonzoni
Delete(Taunia's group)
They sometimes try to see how I feel about women by asking to set me up with a female, and I just laugh and agree because I know that it will go nowhere. I am not one for hiding and being all private, but at the same time, I do not wish to flaunt how GAY I am. So as such, like I always say, I leave it to their perceptions which no one will ever be sure unless I say so....
ReplyDeleteRonzoni
(Taunia's group)
Sometimes you wonder what would your male friend would think if he found out that you are gay. But one thing that I know is constant is that no matter what they think, it won't stop me from being who I really am. After all, "What I think of myself is more important than what others say or think about me" :)
ReplyDeleteRonzoni
(Taunia's group)
I have digressed but let me say this as the finale. None of my parents know that I am gay, for sure at least.... I was never given the talk, my parents don't even care for me having relationships. They would rather I stay single until I can move out. My father might throw around statements like "Yah go meet ur gf?" whenever I am going out, and I would always respond "No, Daddy, just gonna meet some friends" even if I was going to meet my date or my bf.
ReplyDeleteI don't know their perceptions on homosexuals. It was never spoken about really. The most you will hear my father say is "How that guy sound like girl" but that's it. My mother once said I sometimes act too proper like I cannot touch garbage and stuff like that lol. But that was it. I plan to tell them, because I want to be open with my parents. I love them that much to let them know, and hopefully, it will turn out for the better. As the bible wud state, there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth" lol
Ronzoni
(Taunia's group)
(TANYA'S GROUP)
ReplyDeleteA CHILD IS A PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD ... THE FIRST TIME YOU HOLD HIM /HER IN YOUR ARMS , THEIR FIRST WORD AND UNTIL THE DAY HE SAY'S HE'S GAY . Guys saying these words to one parents take planning, considerations and more importantly timing , its not some thing i would say that a parent wants to hear but its something that i think that if we are we should tell them , not saying that its easy because its not and like all wounds it will cut deep but in time it will heal , its up to you to know your parents and how long it takes them to get over some thing then it will be up to you to educate them to change the culture and the belief that they have of gay people , let them see that being gay is not a death sentence because when all is said and done its not that you are gay that they can't stand you, its the fact that you chose in their mind to die , to live a horrible life, to be outcast in society and as parent they worry for you and what society will do as the song say "bommbi bi in a batty boy head" as we are nothing but demons and nasty unclean beans ... because after all that is the picture the public and society have paint of us . so let white wash that image from our parents minds and show them that we are still the little angels that was given unto them , just with a sweeter tooth . and since its a well known fact that guys are cleaner than straight guys (mi story) then lets educate them letting them better understand us and our way of life ... just like Christians we will be persecuted but in the end we will stand champions above all others for what is worth having his worth fighting for and freedom must first come from with in the home, as the family is the first social agent and its the families belief of us that we must change . in order to change society
parents would save a lot of their kids from committing suicide. Taunia"s group
ReplyDeleteMSMs have encountered situations with their parents where they are left feeling judged and ashamed. so telling your parents not rely the best thing to do. (Taunia"s group)
ReplyDeleteI really like this post, it stood out for me because i am going through some empowerment issues, not necessarily parents but with people i look up to.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing
Cohort 4 - Group triple threat
I Believe that how we MSM's were raised and the environment from which we were raised in throughout our entire lives did infact influence who we are today. This is why the need of strong family support and love is so very important especially in the most sensitive and delicate period of our lives from birth and throughout childhood. Some may disagree with me but in my opinion none of us were actually born gay, the gay characteristics that we often express is manifested from the way we were raised, the people that we were exposed to while growing up and the abscence of a father figure to lead us in the right direction are all influencial factors. Not saying that all MSM's turn gay because of the abscence of a father because thats not true at all. There are many factors which may have influenced this lifestyle in one way or another. However i guarantee you that if a survey of total of (50) MSM's was to be rendered and completed, over (90%) of that amount would have had the abscence of a father throughout their lives leaving them in care of either a mother or a grandparent. I believe that all these factors did infact cause some disturbance within the emotional and mental growth of many of us MSM's which ultimatly lead us down the path we live in today. Now with all that have been said, i do believe that strong family support, guidance and love is extremely important in the growth and development of us all.
ReplyDelete