VIOLENCE AGAINST GAY MEN


Violence against gay men has become a part of everyday society in Jamaica. Over the last several decades, with a growing intensity, hate has been promoted against homosexuals and justified by many community and national leader “not in my cabinet”.
This hatred is often expressed in music. Many dancehall entertainers have used the medium of music to incite attacks on persons believed to be homosexual. By releasing songs such as, -BUM bye bye inna batty bwoy head- Me nah mingle wid nuh man-From dem a par inna chi chi man car bring the fire mek we bun dem- among many others.

These dancehall calls to violence are answered by real violence on the streets. These attacks are known as “judgements” and are a part of life in Jamaica. Judgements can be verbal abuse, but in their stronger form “Batty bwoy fi dead” “Me woulda never put my dick inna another man bottom” how them bwoy deh so nasty FIRE and LIGTHENING f idem”. Judgements are also physical attacks on men designed to put the victim in the hospital or even to kill him.  

These judgements are not limited to the streets of Jamaica. Jamaica exports its homophobic violence. One report describes a judgement on the streets of London where a group of human rights activist was protesting an awards ceremony that honored among other genres and artist, some of dancehall’s most homophobic songs and singers. These protestors, themselves UK citizens exercising their civil liberties, were attacked by supporters of theses homophobic DJs, to the point where British police told the protestors their safety could not be guaranteed.
THE REALITY
When violence is sanctioned against one element of the community it puts everyone at risk.
EVERYONE PAYS THE PRICE!
1. Because of actual violence or fear of violent attack, some people rumoured to be gay or bisexual (MSM=Men who have sex with men) are forced to flee their homes and communities
2. Violence against MSMS adds to the burden on the already overstretched health and security services.
3. The fear and threat of violence prevents and threat of violence prevents people from developing their full potential as productive members of society
4. Sanctioning violence against sexual minorities confirms Jamaica’s reputation as a violent society to travelers, to investors and to development agencies
5. Sanctioning violence against ANY GROUP sends the message to our children and to the wider society that violence is acceptable.


Multifaceted 

Top, bottom or verse?

Homosexual relationships have always been labelled by society as a taboo, in the gay community itself exist more labels: Top, Bottom and Verse. The “Top” being identified as the person who penetrates the other, the “Bottom” being the partner who is penetrated and the “Verse” partner being somewhere in between, flirting with both sexual roles. Labels exist to differentiate and identify, being labelled as a “Top”, “Bottom” or “Verse” refers exclusively to sexual roles, with the criteria being limited as such. I sat through the TABS session taking the backseat, listening to the views being thrown out, and the one thing that stood out most was the stereotypes associated with each role.

The “Top” is portrayed as the masculine provider, he’s dominant and commanding, he’s tall, dark and handsome and he epitomizes the social guidelines as to how a male show be, his mannerisms, how he speaks, how he dresses. The “Bottom” is portrayed in the opposite light, he’s weak and effeminate, he submits to his partner, he takes on the role in the relationship that a woman would in a heterosexual arrangement. But in retrospect, isn’t comparing a homosexual relationship to a heterosexual one out of context? The dynamics are different, and they are supposed to be, gender roles are more fluid and mutual agreement permits a chance to even play on social roles, asking who’s the “man” and who’s the “woman” in a gay relationship becomes just as absurd as going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.

The verse partner by extension enjoys the best of both worlds, his role is less rigid and usually more comfortable, with the “Verse-bottom” being penetrated on most occasions but every now and then, flipping the script. Similarly, the “Verse-top” enjoys being penetrated on occasions.

The masculine guy who identifies himself as a “Bottom” should become no more surprising than the effeminate guy identifying himself as a “Top”. Stereotypes will only exist because they are a general truth, the perpetuation of negative stereotypes in the gay community will only serve to damage and demotivate, rather than uplift and empower. The “Bottom” adapts the roles of a submissive woman in a heterosexual relationship, because that is expected. Putting him at risk to be overpowered and engaging in unsafe activities.
Being a top, bottom or verse should be applied only to preferred sexual practises, just like sexual preference only identifies one aspect of an individual’s life. Instead of becoming the product of a label, The Attractor chooses to break free from social conforms. He’s empowered and he’s multidimensional, he wants to get to know you, whether you’re a top, bottom or verse.

The Attractor

I forgive you so I can Fly...

No matter what has been done to Me I can forgive but how do I forgive when it feels like I am letting the person who hurt me off the hook.
Forgiveness reminds me of that medicine you need a sip of every night
Pain surfaces as anger and resentment and depletion of energy and I end up sick so what do I do?
I am in a position where I'm not courageous enough to forgive I almost feel stuck in my inability to forgive.

But I have to fly forgiveness is that spiritual laxative that I need to survive because I am unforgiving I am blaming casting Judgments and harboring feelings of resentment towards all the people I think hurt me
The truth is I feel these people really did something bad to me but I also feel this is one gift I must give to myself forgiveness. 

I find Peace in the truth that everything is as it needs to be so no more being emotionally retarded and spiritually constipated by being unforgiving,yes the Negative ego steps in and tells me a host of things but now I have the courage to say shut the fuck up their are other people hurting because I am unforgiving

I give up this "projection dramatic festival" and let love transform everything

If I don't heal the wounds of my past I will continue to bleed and stain my life and often time "when blood stain summuh wi dash it weh" but in this case I have power in my hands to stop the bleeding.

So I start by giving up the Hope that my past could be everything because truth is life is unfolding as it should.

Maybe I never really understood forgiveness I probably thought it was about letting someone off the hook but in actuality its all about me.

I give myself permission to let go these piled intentions that someone did something to me I no longer have to be bitter about something that happened in my past I forgive you so I can be forgiven. Just like I hurt you hurt so I forgive you but most importantly I forgive myself for judging you as hurting me
I forgive myself for judging you as not loving me
I forgive myself for saying bad things to my friends about you
I forgive myself for denying myself of your love for 3 long years
After all I am probably that beloved Child in whom you are well pleased
I forgive I let it Go and Now I can FLY fly Fly .

ScorpionKing

The Five Precious Stones

The other day I read an article on relationships, it explored the types of relationships that have become so common today and the trend they all seem to take. Boy meets boy, boy likes boy, and for about a week or so there is persistent interest, things are great and they’re in love. But somewhere down the line, things go badly maybe after two months or three, boy is heartbroken and swears off the male species, boy meets another boy…
It got me thinking of the arrangements that exist in the MSM community and the trends relationships exhibit. Prototype 1: The conventional relationship, or the MSM take on it, two committed partners plus an ex (or friend) trying to ruin things. Then Prototype 2: The fuck buddy. Forming bonds of any sort is a primal instinct, but when forming the most intimate of bonds, one that takes on a sexual and emotional form, there needs to be a rule book to tackle the matter: What are the norms, what is abnormal, what is right, what is wrong? The truth of it all is there is no right or wrong, personal experiences come into play and individuals have to decide what’s right, for them.
TABS introduced me to the concept of “The Five Precious Stones”, we each got five stones, each representative of the pillars necessary to support and establish a successful relationship: Physical, Personality, Values, Vocational and General Requirements. I took the time to detail what was right, for me, and not only was I able to get a better idea of what I wanted from a partner, but it also got me thinking what I wanted from a relationship. Am I emotionally ready for a relationship and what can I bring to a relationship.
I thought of it in the sense of a grocery list, and two scenarios. The first was going to the grocery store without a list, picking up items randomly as you browse through what the store has to offer then going home upset at how much money you’ve spent and time that you wasted. The second is taking the time out to go through your cupboards, writing down exactly what you need, what you need versus what you want; prioritizing, sticking strictly to the list and having an overall fulfilling shopping experience. In the MSM context, there’s putting yourself out there and accepting the first guy that comes along, which in the end not only wastes your time, but can leave emotional scars. “The Five Precious Stones” simplifies this and makes it clear, taking the time to decide what you want and need from a partner and a relationship, what you’re willing to compromise on, what you’re not.
With that in mind, here’s to not wasting my time or yours, that’s if you meet up to my “Five Precious Stones”, of course.

The Attractor

Through the Looking Glass...

Curious faces, some familiar, some not so familiar, nervous glances and awkward nail-biting gestures. Day 1 of unanswered questions: "What the hell am I doing here?" "What is this all about?" and "Who are these people?" Past allegiances unite and cling desperately together for the comfort familiarity brings, the lone man sits in a corner silent.
TABS starts off like any new adventure, the nervousness, the hesitation, but grows on you, and close to you, until you're part of "The family". The message is simple, empowerment of young MSMs (Men who have sex with men), emphasis on "young", because thoughts initially stray into lands of questioning how appropriate it is for some of these guys to be here, but really, isn't it very appropriate for them to be in such a nurturing setting? The setting itself is safe and breeds freedom of expression.
I started off TABS just like the other person, the questions, the nervousness and the compromised comfort that new faces bring, but if humans could go to the moon (whether Neil Armstrong had us all fooled or not) then any challenge can be tackled head on, and that’s what I did. Defences up, sword and shield at ready, I tread onto the precarious emotional battlefield. Because initially, we all really were at war with ourselves, some passively putting up defences, others wearing a frown and disapproving body language like a bulletproof vest.
The trick of it all is having an open mind, making yourself vulnerable, and pulling the jig-saw pieces of your life apart to fit them together perfectly with a helping hand. See I believe Jamaica should be expecting a COLLASAL disaster anytime soon, with social decay cutting away at the moral fibre that holds this country together, so what if... What if someone comes along, someone more experienced, more knowledgeable, maybe someone sexy (which actually makes the attention grasping process easier than you'd imagine), better yet, what if a couple folks with that common goal of getting this country back on track come together, giving it a shot seems only humane.
In my capacities as a human and a flawed individual, I'm about to give it a go. Its your call now, mister.


The Attractor