How do MSMs Survive In Ja?

Have you ever felt wrong, ashamed of who you are and how you feel, upset because you do not understand whats so wrong with it and not to mention insecure?? We live in a society that privileges the social and physical executions of msms, one that will have their bias towards all things but it comes 10 fold when it regards msms, one that will take our cake and eat it to!1 So then my question is. How do msms survive in JA, the land we think we love, how do we exist in a society that sees us as antagonistic to its deep rooted moralistic Christian values?

          Every day we hear the various institutions of the society such as the family, religion, the education system throwing daggers at us. This is evident in the songs that are played and just the whole media landscape. Words such as (batty boy, fish, faggot, chi chi mon, sodomite, heshe shim, sprat and others flood the society). So how do we live? Simply we live by secrecy, hiding for the most part of us, we are forced underground. Limited to secured surveillance areas, barred from being ourselves in the outside world. How is this healthy?? My friends it is not. Because of how we are forced to exist tensions within the community are inevitable. We project in high and low places because of insularity and selfish pursuits. So how do we expect to be given sustainable rights when we ourselves are divided, uncompromising and non accepting. We cling to the world that soo hates us privileging straight behaviour ( which I have  no problem with, I only have a problem when it is used as a measuring stick) and looking down on our effeminate brothers.

       How we survive in ja is that of second class citizens, we survive by bringing down each other and playing the hypocrites according to society’s games. But what gives me hope is that they are msm out there who are kind supportive and just really good people. They are the beacons for this community. We need to be more loving and the attractor factor has given us the tools to be understanding and good bearers of the truth. Love you all and be good each other.

Sweet Enigma
Multifaceted

Is Monogamy Overrated?

Gay relationships have always suffered social blows and fallen short to stereotypes, reducing them to mere flings and portraying gay men as promiscuous. Normalities which have always been applied to relationships, such as monogamy, come into play and evoke the question “Is monogamy overrated?” The concept of anything being overrated stems from how much value an individual places on whatever is in question; however a dynamic venture such as a relationship should not be generalized, or normalized, because this is where shortcomings and problems originate from.

The perfect relationship becomes defined by what an individual decides is perfect for them, it is about their wants and needs, and whether their partner is willing to meet their needs and there is mutual grounds for understanding. The portrayal of the perfect relationship by friends and family in the ideal scenario is irrelevant, and more emphasis is placed on self-love and figuring out what we each want from a gratifying relationship and a partner. Someone once said to be “It’s not who you spend Saturday nights with, it’s who you want to spend all day Sunday with that’s important.” Being able to have sex with several persons may be fun and exciting, but what does it mean if it is reduced to meaningless sex? Polygamy offers an avenue to seemingly keep things fresh and maintain a diverse sex life, and isn’t it unrealistic to expect your partner to be sexually attracted only to you. But then how healthy is acting on every sexual attraction, and when does emotional fulfilment come into play?

Monogamy offers the option to grow together with someone, sharing life goals and dreams, and working together towards the success of both partners and the relationship. You become whole with your partner, and learn to love each other, flaws and all, sharing each other’s mind and body. So where does the open relationship fall?  The non-monogamous arrangement where both persons commit to each other, but allow the other to have other sexual partners. The possibility for openness and honesty comes to mind, and sexual acts your partner probably wouldn’t engage in can be experienced outside of the relationship. The problem comes about when sexual attractions become an emotional one, you may be able to control your actions but you’re not in a position to control the other person’s. Some polygamous relationships may not be restricted to limiting love, but isn’t that exhausting?

The Attractor chooses to honour all relationships and arrangements, and acknowledges that the ideal relationship is purely individualized, but he also seeks emotional growth that emerges outside the confides of a bedroom and from connecting with one person, in ways you couldn’t with ten.

The Attractor

Acceptance

There is no fixed way to do this but acceptance is the biggest part of living. By this I mean when you accept yourself, the flaws, the attributes, the weirdest, the coolness, the good the bad and the insane you give yourself the right to be happy. Acceptance is one of those things which can unfortunately be bought in this world by various means. It is a theme that runs in the stories of all our lives. We want to be accepted by our friends, families, significant other s, so called important people. We all grave it. But what makes acceptance so desirable what about it makes someone suppress themselves to fit into the puzzle of society?  The answer is the need to belong.
             As msms we all suffer with the burden of being accepted some more than others though, this insatiable need for acceptance sometimes or most of the times allow us to settle , not even settle but to ironically ACCEPT things we do not deserve. Msm often subject themselves to what I would call sub human conditioning treatment, where in which one allows themselves to be treated badly or unfairly as a sacrifice to be accepted. As this continues there is a conditioning of the mind of the individual which leads a grave misplacement of their values systems: beating me is ok cuz if he doesn’t slap me now and again its not love, if he cheat we tolerate as one sees themselves in that person and not as a separate entity, unprotected sense is ok because I trust him…… these are all very sad cases but they all have the same root the need to be accepted.
             Msm of all walks of life need to learn this important tool of empowerment. Being in the attractor factor taught me this skill session after session after session. You have to love you first and loving you first means accepting you first. So then it leads me to conclude LOVE IS ACCEPTANCE…. And if we truly do not accept ourselves wholeheartedly we indirectly give others the right to not value us, to not respect, nor view us as confident because we have not accepted ourselves….. just like the other intrinsic qualities of forgiveness and virtue accept yourself. Look to your worth and have confidence in all the dimensions of your existence. NOT ACCEPTING YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE IS THE BIGGEST HUMAN ERROR AS YOU CAN BE NO ONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF.  Love you all.

Sweet Enigma
Group Multifaceted

The Shadow Days are over

We all knew that that time would come when we would have to leave high school and enter into the meaner World. We all knew that we would soon have to come out from behind the shadows of our stereotypes, put our armors on and brace ourselves for the harsh realities of what the transition from pre-teen to post trauma (aka adulthood) brings.
Growing up sucks! – can you empathize?

On grad day when we all hit the 2nd verse of Mariah and Whitney’s “When you believe” (the quintessential kick ass song of the century) and we come to the realization that ‘yes, shit will get crappy’. But Mariah’s reassuring vocals gives us something to hold onto… miracles. Like really, seriously Mariah… miracles? –scoffs-  how about marching to Amy Whinehouse’s  “You know I’m no good”  and just keep it re-to-the-ezeal with us tentative slaves or slave masters?
No matter how much we try to protest the World’s conforms, it’s undeniable that we are all a part of a cruel social triangle that ultimately hands us either a blue ribbon or a sword and shield – what we do with it, is absolutely up to us.

“Break free from the back allies of life before it’s too late. March your way out onto the highways taking your opportunity by the hand and learn how to fly”
We are a generation with 21st Century minds, progressive and innovative… the Shadow Days are over and now our destinies and fates are our own.

The Deflector
Rule 2

And Then There Was May 6

Wherever we are on this day our interest and the insatiable thirst for empowerment leads us here. Walking to the “Safe Space” on a Sunday became the route to my second home. Between the hours of 2 to 5 or more realistically 3 to 7 hehe…. have been some of the most enlightening hours of my life. So here goes I enter the complex the environs welcome me with the raspy tone of voice hehehe, struts like a CHAMPION on my way to the door where I press the buzzer and do my routine impatient face as I open the door to my home and went inside. As I entered I give my Mr World walk and distorted my face with traces of sadness so they could pour out more love cuz I just can’t get inuf… smiles…. I make my way to the register I am the 3rd one there.
     
This building is the place where I unraveled some of my deepest and most silly thoughts and actions. Like a school yard each section of the compound has a particular memory attached to hit and as I walk I enter a living slide show subsisting with my current actions as my thoughts play out in retrospect. May 6, familiar faces, closes friends, laughs, jokes, convos and all the works. We are safe, secured and confident with ourselves…. Everything is right with the world until it is announced that this is our last meeting in a session as a group of this nature. The picture slowly darkened and I became sad and upset>>>>> but before that
         
We had a very interesting relay which is in keeping with everything we do there>>> this race was geared to highlight the importance of knowing your state of affairs when engaging in sexual activity or in all spheres of life. We had to run and touch the tip of a dildo and run around it 10 times then we proceeded to the end of the room to touch our team mates hand who will do just the same. This was extremely funny because when one was finished running around the dildo 10 times (this was a race so they really went hard) they would be dizzy on running towards their team mates. Some fell, others looked disorientated (which they were) and some were enjoying the child like quality of being dizzy. As I watched I looked on and realized that these people are my family, not only were we learning a valuable lesson, we were bonding not just as msms but as males as humans in a natural state. As the members of the anchor legs set off they had to run around the dildo 20 times lol to their demise, by the time they reached 10 they became dizzy and watching after that was hilarious. When they were finished, it was their task to put on the condom on their dildo properly. This was no easy task but each finalist did it>>> lets just say to varying degrees of success. A discussion ensued there after about the high risks involved when one does not know their state of affairs esp when intoxicated. We learnt abt how msms sometimes put themselves at risk because they dntknw when its too much, they dntknw their portions while drinking.
        
 Sunday was a reflection and I could just feel and see it in everyone’s faces. This is it. I wish we could all repeat you knw, a season 2 of cohort 2. That has a nice ring to it. We reflected on how the 5 precious stones have impacted our outlook on relationships and it was evident that people had grown sooo much during the programme. We then evaluated all the facilitators and did our final evaluation sheet. The atmosphere is the rooms was comforting, my outlook on the programme coming to an end changed and it was all positive and grateful thoughts flowing through my head.

The attractor factor has spearheaded a new chapter of development in our lives. One filled with the theme of empowerment, things such as what I think abt myself is more important that what others think of me, if I change my perception, I change my reality, will all positively stain our hearts. The attractor factor always stressed positivity which is its signature this made me really appreciative of who I am a person and to value those around me. Broadcasts such as the Secret and the Dl chronicles taught us life lessons in a creative way. I now know that I need not be stupid or what but 100% safe.
       
 May 6 made me appreciate the diverse cohort member s that I have, the human condition is becoming clearer to me as I leave with a piece of each of their stories. Looking in their eyes for that session made sure of that. We are not just Cohort 2 but a group of young men dedicated to the cause of self worth. They will forever be my friends, brothers and I love them all dearly. This has been an experience totally characterized by our growth and willingness coupled with the beautiful people we call our facilitators. It was destiny why we experience vulnerability and joy together.
May 6 was a beautiful day, after the session we worked within our groups for our graduation this Sunday. It will be the time when we officially leave the programme but permanently seal our experiences together. As we left May 6, we earned the right to say we are family, an empowered one. Sunday will be fun sooo see you guys there for our final hooorah!!!

Sweet Enigma
Multifaceted

Stigma and Discrimination among Men who have sex with Men in Jamaica

With prevalence data showing that more than a third of the population of MSM in Jamaica are HIV are HIV infected, and with the understanding that stigma and discrimination of MSM is a major barrier to accessing health and social services that can  help mitigate the growing HIV and AIDS epidemic.


Types of Discrimination
 Verbal stigma/discrimination, enacted directly or within earshot of the target. Labels such as batty bwoy or batty man, who many believe is the country’s rifle, and those terms have become part of the general arsenal of derogatory words used in heated disputes.
 Physical discrimination/harassment, with reports of MSM being stabbed, shot, and attacked with machetes and sticks or a target of violent threats due to their sexuality.
 Nonverbal stigma/discrimination, including derogatory looks, shunning, and avoidance.
 Stigma/discrimination, these are commonly enacted when the males is alone making him an easier target.
Perpetrators of stigma/discrimination
 While both males and females enacted stigma/discrimination against MSM, the overall profiles of the perpetrators are males between 18-45 years of age. This proves that males are more likely to make more negative and threatening comments than females.

Interpersonal influence
 When family members discover that one of their own is a MSM, reactions often become violent threats and involve ejection from the home.
 MSM experience stigma/discrimination within their own community, including from friends and partners.
 This is based on divisions between more effeminate vs. masculine MSM and gay vs. non-gay-identified MSM.
 This is often enacted in public places where more masculine and/or straight-identified males would divorce/separate themselves from more effeminate and/or gay-identified males or tell the more effeminate/gay-identified male to “man up” or “tone down their realness.”
Community influence
 The most common environment for stigma/discrimination at the community level is public spaces, including retail spaces, parks, transportation, and, most commonly, “the road.”
 Stigmatizing/discriminating comments in public spaces often afford perpetrators an audience. Sometimes said indirectly within earshot of an MSN, these comments were more directly audible to others in the area with the intent of inciting a response and making the incident the focal point of activity.
 Public spaces are often used to express negative opinions about MSM in general and included physical discrimination and harassment by motorists and pedestrians as well as police officers.
 MSM discrimination take place in the rental property market; landlords asked discriminatory questions to determine if the potential tenant is an MSM.
 Discrimination is experienced with the unwillingness of cashiers or store clerks to assist customers deemed to be MSMs.
Institutional influence
 In educational establishments MSM were a regular target of verbal insults and shunning in dormitories/on campuses; sexual harassment from MSM in positions of power (teachers, lecturers) took place.
 In health facilities staff and providers often use nonverbal actions and body language to communicate disrespect; staff gossip about MSM patients take place.
 In a church stigma/discrimination was manifested in both the doctrine preached and in the shunning/discriminatory behaviors of both congregants and religious leaders.
Impact of stigma/discrimination on MSM
Common feeling among MSM ethnographers include:
 Depression and suicidal thoughts to resolve endless emotional pain
 Fear of daily verbal abuse and physical attacks
 Frustration with having to hide oneself and not live freely
 Feelings of anger and acts of retaliation towards perpetrators
 Conduct greater advocacy for addressing MSM stigma/discrimination among MSM and supportive communities.
 Develop media campaigns to address social norms of stigma/discrimination and encourage interpersonal and community-level dialogue to support change.
 Conduct capacity strengthening with education, social service, health facility staff, and others who are in the position to misuse their power with MSM.
 Develop targeted interventions with youth, parents and religious leaders and church members.

Multifaceted

Dash Weh The Dutty Wata

Its is said that everything we do in life is based upon choice; actually that statement is so right. All that we do, we choose to do it. So what's up with the people that keep holding on to their past. The ones that has gotten hurt, the ones that has been mistreated and damaged and torn. It not that we chose to hold on to the past or hang to the hurt but its that little thing that keeps our mind unrest. " Will I get hurt and abused again."

Because of all of our bad fortunes we block the world and also lock out all the people that really care and love loves us. I know its not easy to just let go off something that has hurt us, but if we want happiness we must change ourselves and then the world will also be changed.

Throwing away the dirty water is the best solution on our quest of happiness. It makes no sense to try and curtain our emotion which will become detrimental. Its rather smart to go again through the hurt stage and find love again than block my true feelings. Once you are granted that one opportunity live, love hard and remember to put you first. Find love and embrace it. Water it, nurture it and it will bloom and bring forth delicious fruits.

Jujay Sammie
Rule 2 

The Real Issue: Part 1

Within the MSM community there has been the all important golden rule of not being real. (Yuh too real, why yuh suh real, him real eeeh) have been comments that have permeated the psyche of this small but divisive family… quite the dysfunction. The term being real given in its purest context means a male acting overly feminine, being too effeminate, walking like someone’s beyonce, talking exceeding girly, wearing their clothes in a feminine way and all the mannerisms associated with typical female behaviour. Members of this community have more often than not accused each other of being real why?? This has to do a lot about projection because infact no matter how masculine you are all… umm  let me not go there well most msms have some “realness abt them, some real moments”. So you ask where I get the authority to say that, the authority rests in the fact that they are varying degrees of realness from the mild to the most extreme just as any other thing in social life such as abject and mild poverty. Within the community members exhibit different levels of realness it could be mild to extreme.

          Remnants of the straight world have left foot prints re this issue coupled with the gender issues relating to how masculine or feminine a person should be. This creates problems in the msm community as association is the line between life and death, getting through regularly day by day or being tormented every living second of every day.  Typical scenario: 2 msms walking on the road you have the mild real  type and the extreme real type. The mild real type goes about his business unnoticed regular looking straight behaving, then the extreme real type. Constant giggles, tyra banks walk, too much gestures and then the inevitable happens someone makes a comment they are identified branded in the psyche of all those who saw and heard the comments made to them….. Forever labeled as the batty boys>>> sad scenario but it happens every day whether the statement is made directly to the persons or said in secret they are labeled as being gay. The main problem with the concept of being real is that it is the main denominator/ identifier for msms. That is the marker, acting girly = being gay.

              Each msm whether out or not, in the closet or under the bed prefers to be straight in the eyes of society they are secretly of another moral political party and they go off with clandestine like behaviour. Being real becomes a problem as it threatens identity and is readily identified with being gay so that male is open to public scrutiny, assault and battery, social exlusion all things which the charter of human rights cater for but I guess they are crippled in Ja land we think we love. So what is the real issue??? The real issue also forces stereotypical sex roles such as the bottom and places the male into a receptacle of planned ideal behaviours according to the extent of his/her realness eg. If u r mild real then u r a top, If you are halfway real then you are a verse and if you are extremely real then you are a bottom. Ironically this order have many times been subverted, tossed all around and been made useless. Being real is a contruct and should  not act as a catalyst for msms to discriminate against each other in the name of self pursuits….. if you disagree then I just hope that you choose carefully your side of the real spectrum…. Because isn’t that the real issue???

Sweet Enigma
Group: Multifaceted