The Five Precious Stones
The other day I read an article on relationships, it explored the types of relationships that have become so common today and the trend they all seem to take. Boy meets boy, boy likes boy, and for about a week or so there is persistent interest, things are great and they’re in love. But somewhere down the line, things go badly maybe after two months or three, boy is heartbroken and swears off the male species, boy meets another boy…
It got me thinking of the arrangements that exist in the MSM community and the trends relationships exhibit. Prototype 1: The conventional relationship, or the MSM take on it, two committed partners plus an ex (or friend) trying to ruin things. Then Prototype 2: The fuck buddy. Forming bonds of any sort is a primal instinct, but when forming the most intimate of bonds, one that takes on a sexual and emotional form, there needs to be a rule book to tackle the matter: What are the norms, what is abnormal, what is right, what is wrong? The truth of it all is there is no right or wrong, personal experiences come into play and individuals have to decide what’s right, for them.
TABS introduced me to the concept of “The Five Precious Stones”, we each got five stones, each representative of the pillars necessary to support and establish a successful relationship: Physical, Personality, Values, Vocational and General Requirements. I took the time to detail what was right, for me, and not only was I able to get a better idea of what I wanted from a partner, but it also got me thinking what I wanted from a relationship. Am I emotionally ready for a relationship and what can I bring to a relationship.
I thought of it in the sense of a grocery list, and two scenarios. The first was going to the grocery store without a list, picking up items randomly as you browse through what the store has to offer then going home upset at how much money you’ve spent and time that you wasted. The second is taking the time out to go through your cupboards, writing down exactly what you need, what you need versus what you want; prioritizing, sticking strictly to the list and having an overall fulfilling shopping experience. In the MSM context, there’s putting yourself out there and accepting the first guy that comes along, which in the end not only wastes your time, but can leave emotional scars. “The Five Precious Stones” simplifies this and makes it clear, taking the time to decide what you want and need from a partner and a relationship, what you’re willing to compromise on, what you’re not.
With that in mind, here’s to not wasting my time or yours, that’s if you meet up to my “Five Precious Stones”, of course.
The Attractor
THE REJECTION OF THE STONES
ReplyDelete“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better” …As referring to my life some weeks ago and thinking of the importance of what my self-worth is all about was nothing compared to how I cherish my relationship and partner most of all, even “the stones” couldn’t come between us and determine what I had in front of me wasn’t something true to the naked eyes. But unfortunately it ended just like that! without I knowing what caused it to happened but then learning to understand not everything may be gold at first, seemingly it may feel as if the best time of your life was in just 6 months ago…(not to sound a bit naïve and inexperienced) but I just simply fell in love and it didn’t want me back. Yes! I was terrify, angry and mournful as I walk without life up and down in my house linking broken-happy memories to find some ease but yet still I was surpass that and had moved on to a next stage where I had started hurting myself…..at first it seem cool but I just couldn’t continue because looking back I was given the chance and the guidance of following my heart and what best in these handful of “precious stones”. What more I needed to see the obvious? Why’d I refused? Its all clear to me now, at first upon receiving these stones and knowing it’s purpose I told myself a lie that everything was perfect from before and nothing was wrong but I spoke for two and not myself alone which I was totally wrong for doing and never discussing it all was totally a regret today.
I felt so revengeful as well, taking most of my precious time coagulating plans to sleep around to fill this void which was inside but then I would be putting my self at risk and it would be my own consequences and responsibilities that comes after (thank you! attractor factor at least I hasd learned something lol!)And the next thing was that I have some terrific friends who had stay with me during all of this and encourage me to believe that life is worth living and my belief will help create the fact. (I would love say thank you boo’s). But the whole perception of me writing this is that to implore you all to use your stones and if you have lost your it please do make substitute as within yourselves, because guess what? it doesn’t result In the stone physical state but within you there lye awakening waiting to be free and if to see it for real you just have to believe in yourselves and what you stand for as life is a long lesson in humility. In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on…
Quite an interesting and thought provoking post. Thank u.
ReplyDeleteGroup Multifaceted
ReplyDeleteWell sob stories check>>>>> they were useful check>>>>> i lost them check<>>>>> i couldnt bother check>>>> they were helpful check>>>>> hehehe theae are the various answers i heard from my cohort members re the five precious stones, one of the things that i have leartn is that the symbolic or intrinsic value of something outweeighs the physical or the tangible although there may be exceptions to this which the enigma fully understands>>>> the stones were just a valve a corpse to see the ideals of what we want in a relationship and how we would identify those features in someone of interest>>>> these stones are important to me becuase they are excotic and the thought behind them really counts. the stones acted as blueprints to the structure of my future relationship. i now have a plan and a guide and if u dnt wish to use the stones physically keep them in ur hearts use the symbolic nature of them>>>> they will be helful>
Group Multifaceted
ReplyDeletewell i am just uggggh with the people who just go and on and on...... abt the uselessness of the stones>>> think they should go on abt the depravity of their creative juices and their sad lack of will to open themselves to ranges of possibilities that could help them>>>> yet and still they just complain abt wanting a man.... but they are not willing to use tools provided for them to help them to achieve this end. cuz clearly if they had a perfect relationship and they are fine and peachy i would jusy shut up but seemingly half if them are not...... its just lazy wanting to have ur cake and eat it too but the thing is, its not even baked as yet. guys come on.... dnt be narrow minded and unreasonably sheltered in ur thoughts>>>>> give it a try, have some faith and probably it will solve a mountain of problems;... love u all
group Multifaceted
ReplyDeletethe stone have a lot of utility>>>> just open yourself to the range of things you could do with them>> they could be your goals< how you plan to tackle sch this year or a social problem>> the stones are yours and they are your friends so use them ok>>>>
How my Five Precious Stones made me forever single, but it’s all good. At least my priorities are in check!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever heard of, been in or are you in a relationship where everything you do is simply orchestrated by your partner?
Hi, I’m Taraji. I am a 23 year old MSM and my boyfriend Prince is a total control freak. Even though we are both ‘versatile’ when it comes to sex he automatically puts me into the submissive position. I don’t mind half the time but essentially I never saw myself being a bottom and now he’s almost weirded out by me touching his ass. I just feel so automatic in all this.
Hello, I’m Prince and I am a 21 year old MSM and my Boyfriend Taraji is a total control freak. We go out together a lot but it’s always up to TJ where we go and when. He’ll just BBM me saying that we’re going to Friday’s on a Tuesday, he most times even go to the length of ordering for me… Of course it’s not enough for me to even think of ending it but sometimes I just feel so automatic.
Two grown MSM in one relationship with fundamentally the same problem. Very often we enter into relationships without making clear what we want and end up limiting the longevity of these relationships because of the shaky foundation they’re built on. This is mostly why I take the ‘five stones’ exercise so seriously. The same week I was introduced to my five stones me and this guy we’re fooling around, I gave him all the stones he deserved and he only got 3. See, I have 5 precious stones and if you can’t get up to 4 of them there’s no ‘us’ to be had. So, how does this relate to automatic relationships? Take a look back on what I did with my personal life, the guy got 3 of my precious stones; He was charming, financially stable and ambitious but failed in winning one of my most important stones, values. How he lived and how he thinks made clear to me that what he values and what I value weren’t in-keeping with each other therefore we were incompatible. Before you engage in anything bordering intimacy or commitment… use your five precious stones.
Love me honestly (The Dub)
Shades on, collar high what’s there to hide?
All this power, this hero cooped up inside
Self compromise to vocalize my truth
The fear they’ll criticize and ostracize my fruits
I am a reality star, keeping up with the traditions
Expectations and complications of the harsh reality
I can’t let them see my true capacity
Life in the false lane in HD, and 3D
3 a me
Me myself and I
I, can only be seen by me
Me? yuh see me? You, see me
Myself- everyone else’s ambition for who I should be
You know wah?
It’s time for me to become the best me I can be
I may not become the next fashion ‘It-boy’
I may not become the next International Culinary star
But I and I is who I decide to become
Suh yuh see if yuh ago hate me, do dat
But if yuh ago love me, love I honestly.
Group Multifaceted
DeleteLoving it!!!!!!!!! i like the perspective because thats a truism right there>> people go into stuff with people primarily on 2 things they are attractive and have alot of chedder in their pockets but this is simply not enough>>> make what u want clear and remember there is absolute anything so a lil compro wont hurt unless its on something really important
Group Multifaceted
ReplyDeletethe stones are genius and if u personalized them and apply them aptly in ur lives u will see the difference>> i have>>
loving the stone
ReplyDeletethe five stones, they rely do take the place of the important things one value the most and as symbols of what a persons may stand for or holds dearest to them. I for one have done some serious thinking from the first day i go those stones, I WROTE a poem to show how useful there are.(papeeto)
ReplyDeleteWhen i got these stones i never really think of them of nothing until i wrote my part of the production that we gonna perform on Sunday. listening others around me made me realize that i have made some mistake simple because i have gone into relationship for mostly the main reasons, not thinking about values and just focusing on looks. Now i look at these stones differently, these are really important and should help not just to more cautious before getting with someone but to also make me a better person(5 Precious Stones)
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the whole message of the Five Precious Stones.Its really has taught me to have standards for my self and to identify certain traits in which I love and would love to have my partner embody. I has also taught me not to lower my standards because the goes a long way to happiness and has cause me to think deeply of what I want from my future relationships. (Taunia's Group)
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